Three Bankers: An FF Miniseries

‘Three Bankers’ is a miniseries written by FrumForum’s unemployment columnist ‘Galatea‘.

Banker 1: Luke

Luke was insane. Like, absolutely, certifiably whackadoo.

There was the clinical mental illness part—talking with his therapist on the phone at all hours, receiving pills in the mail, and shuffling his hulking mass along the hallways of campus as he muttered about The Strokes. I have no idea whether this contributed to his insanity when he was lucid, but when he was, he ended up being…shall we say…arrogant?

Banker 2: Allen

Allen eventually made his way onto Wall Street, working for a midsize firm but pulling in a massive, six-figure salary. I always remembered Allen being a very sweet, if awkward and neurotic guy, prone to throwing money around. The most egregious display came when he took me to Vegas along with a group of other students, paid for drinks and bottle service (we went through three bottles of Grey Goose), and then spent the entire night sweet-talking the sister of a rising tech star. Not as a Sex Trophy. For business. I’m serious.

Banker 3: Brian

Brian grew up in a rural state with the cards stacked against him—middle-class, scrappy and short, he overachieved his way into being the top finance student in my class. He taught me how a collateralized debt obligation worked in September of 2008, when no one else had a flipping clue as to why Lehman Brothers was collapsing, using stick figures and diagrams.

(“So wait, the credit rating agencies did what to bad debt?” I shrieked, outraged.)

(“Yep,” he sighed, and handed me a fresh gin and tonic.)