RSS Feed MenuNewMajority has learned of the following letter, allegedly from Speaker Pelosi to the noted dictionary publisher, Merriam-Webster. We wondered, “Can it be real?” Nah, we concluded, “this must be an appalling counterfeit concocted by some dullard to annoy the speaker.” Then we wondered, “Can it be something even less?” We are simply passing along the suspicious document for your evaluation as to any truths it might accidentally contain.
June 28, 2009
Merriam-Webster
47 Federal Street
Springfield, Mass. 01101
Dearest Merriam:
Thank you for your many years of valuable service to all Americans. We want to call attention, however, to several updates that are suggested for your publication, which you call the “dictionary.” The old must give way to the new, and our Nation finds itself with requirement for New Definitions to match our New Directions. I just know you will adhere without exception to the following courteous suggestions for change, because change is a good thing and because the children are our future:
1. Entry: government-run Pronunciation: gov-urn-ment run. Function: combination word common to discussions of federal programs
Old Definitions (1) operated as part of the act or process of governing specifically: authoritative direction or control, (2) obsolete use: mailings about Democratic health care policy
New Definition (1) public option
2. Entry: choose Pronunciation: chewz.
Old Definition (1) to select freely after consideration; (2) to decide
Obsolete use: after 2014, any construction employing the word, “free,” and the words, “health” and “care;” i.e., “He was free to choose his own health care.”
New Definitions (1) to take what you are given by the Secretary of Health and Human Services and just shut up about it already
3. Entry: like Pronunciation: like
Old Definition (1) to please, to be agreeable to, to thrive; i.e., “President Obama says if you like your health care, you can keep it.”
New Definition (1) to please the HHS, to be agreeable with the HHS, to thrive at the HHS; i.e., “President Obama says you like your health care” (2) obsolete use: having to do with previous health care coverage
4. Entry: transparent Pronunciation: trans-pear-ant
Old Definitions (1) open to examination, frank, candid, easily understood, very clear, (2) obsolete use: traditional method of legislating in the House
New Definitions (2) all acts which occur in the speaker’s office behind closed doors (this application is mandatory), (2) all Democratic health care legislation considered in the U.S. House of Representatives, (3) this week’s House schedule
5. Entry: briefing Pronunciation: bree-fing.
Old Definition (1) a meeting at which a detailed plan of action, especially by the military or intelligence services, is explained to persons of consequence
New Definition (1) a meeting that never happened, at which no plans were explained at all, and quit asking.
Definitively yours,
(signed)
N. PELOSI
Speaker, Definer
Our Motto: Don’t mess with me or a Blue Dog gets it.
Washington Planner » Tuesday Required Reading, 7/28/09 // Jul 28, 2009 at 10:32 am
[...] According to The New Majority Nancy Pelosi would like to change the meaning of these words. [...]
Bulldoglover100 // Jul 28, 2009 at 1:19 pm
and this helps us how? Perhaps David Frum needs to read his own post on “Stop Whining”
ottovbvs // Jul 28, 2009 at 4:41 pm
………..College Republican humor…….Neeeeeext!
ktward // Jul 28, 2009 at 7:35 pm
I wanted to chuckle, really I did. When it comes to laughs, I’m completely non-partisan; I appreciate well-crafted humor at anyone’s expense (even my own).
So I read to the end.
Nothing cleverly funny or punny to see here. Moving along, now.
(Out of your depth, much?)