RSS Feed MenuI have coached and taught this young man for the last two years almost every single day. He is a good runner and an average student. He is extremely quiet, but not shy. I’ve always known there was more to him, but I never pried.
Last week after school one day, he showed up to my room with an odd kind of smile on his face. “You read my story?” he asked. I had assigned each student the task of writing an autobiography. His was one that wouldn’t leave my mind. “Yes,” I read it, I said.
“You’re asking me to write about some crazy stuff,” he said. “I don’t tell these things to anybody.”
He continued, telling me that “all that stuff is true.” He was left at an orphanage by his mother, who was 15 or 16 when she had him. For the first two years of his life, he was passed to three different orphanages. By an act of God, his grandmother found him when he was moved to a shelter in the inner city. He’s lived with his grandmother ever since. His mother also now lives there. He said it took a long time for him to forgive her for what she did early in his life. He said he’ll never trust her or anyone else in the world. The last person he trusted was his 4th grade teacher, who said she’d do anything to help him. He loved her, he said. But then she up and quit her job.
Though he was an infant when he was passed around like that and he can’t remember any details, he said there’s always been an unsettled feeling in him like he didn’t belong where he was and that no one wanted him. On the day he was telling me this, he said he had met with a lawyer, who is sent by the state to check up with him twice a year. He also meets with a case manager once a month. “I’m sick of it,” he said.
Later that week, he was accepted to a small rural college about an hour outside of the city. Again, he came into my room after school with a hesitant smile to tell me this great news. I couldn’t be prouder of him. He’s a kid who has not had help. He’s attended a crap high school in a crap school system and has been tracked by the state since birth. His father was out of jail long enough last year to get himself in trouble with the law and put away again. No one from his family has ever been to one of his track or cross country meets.
Still, there’s a spirit that makes this kid trust himself. I see it in him when he runs the mile race on the track. I know he’s hungry and doesn’t have a good diet at home, but he plugs away at this grueling event, and can almost break five minutes. He isn’t entirely sure where he’s going or what he’s going to do with his life. But he knows that he’s sick of what he’s grown up seeing in his family, school and city. I take no credit for his success, nor should anyone else. This is a kid who is pulling himself up in spite of a society that’s been passing him around since the day he was born.
surumita // Feb 17, 2009 at 11:13 pm
This analysis is completely ridiculous. Humans are social creatures. This kid is making it because his grandmother found him “by the grace of god,” as you said, and raised him. His grandmother worked hers off for him. Yes he’s been tracked by the state – for a damn good reason. His mother left him. And he was searched for and found by his grandma, to whom you give no credit whatsoever. NOONE has EVER pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps. This kid had the state looking out for him, his grandma, his 4th grade teacher (even though she quit) and the author. You may not want to admit to your conservative mind that in fact the state and the people in this kid’s life matter, but they do matter a great deal.
Hence the reason he’s making it out.
idrake // Feb 18, 2009 at 12:22 am
I think this is a powerful story of the potential for success in the odds-against environment in which this kid has grown up. The grandmother no doubt plays a significant role, but there is little basis for concluding that the state has played any role in this boy’s success. There’s no contradiction in arguing that people do pull themselves up by their sheer determination, while simultaneously receiving help from others, and even getting lucky breaks by chance. All of these factors can combine — in uneven mixes — to produce a successful life.
nealjking // Feb 18, 2009 at 1:29 am
Anything we do that creates more opportunity for people to volunteer help, or to increase the number of lucky breaks, helps. For example, it would be interesting to know why his 4th-grade teacher quit: Had she had enough of fighting the education system for poor pay? (I trained for awhile as a teacher, and I would have to be very hard up to accept such a job again.) And on the positive side, who is providing the support, such as it is, for this track activity? Isn’t it the school system? The kid is definitely making an effort – but there is a structure that provides some handholds, and some of it is due to state support.
thomasgibbon // Feb 18, 2009 at 6:41 am
surumita,
this isn’t meant as an analysis, just an anecdote. it’s amazing reading the stories of my students, and this one in particular. take from it what you will, as you have done. i don’t disagree that he needed help from the people who have been watching over him and you’re right to say his grandmother worked to help him out. but even he says that he doesn’t trust his grandmother – he says he trusts no one. thanks for reading. he’s a great kid and an example of the kind of miracle it takes to succeed in a situation such as his. i’m not sure what the answer is, but these situations face many students in our educational system and we need to find a way to help.
turnturn // Feb 18, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Easy, surumita. I am sure it is uncomfortable knowing that, indeed, some kids have it in them to succeed, regardless of the challenges. What a wonderful story.
surumita // Feb 18, 2009 at 9:39 pm
ALL kids have it in them to succeed if provided the right environment, education, etc. For ALL kids to succeed, they need parents who are able to bring home the bacon and actually be able to make ends meet on one, minimum wage job. (Hence raise the min wage – which would also go a long ways to reducing abortion rates). For ALL kids to succeed, they need teachers that are truly dedicated – hence, raise teacher wages (dramatically) to increase competition for the job. For ALL kids to succeed, they need to be healthy. Hence, strip our ag policy of it’s big ag/pro corn stance and start subsidizing small, organic vegetable producers instead. Start offering freshly cooked meals full of healthy food at schools instead of providing fried tator tots. For ALL kids to succeed, they need to not be sick. Hence, let’s get universal health care coverage for all.
I am quite aware of the differences between students who succeed and those who do not succeed. My husband teaches middle school and I, too, work in education. My best student is currently homeless and taking care of his 4 young brothers. He is also an immigrant. He works his butt off, and he also has a HIGE support system of government services and government employees supporting him as he gets his college degree. And every time he sees any one of us, he thanks us profusely for helping him. and YOU are all helping him too, since his support is coming from your tax dollars. And he will make an incredible teacher one day for you kids.
Teens are often not able to see how they got the ability to keep going and succeed, but in every case they had at least one person and a couple of systems behind them (whether it’s health care, education, sports, or whatever). My husband, too grew up on welfare and was homeless at age 15. If it wasn’t for free, state funded healthcare that was provided to low income families, his sister would have died of meningitis, he would have not received speech therapy, and neither one would be where they are at today – with multiple higher degrees working as educators. He never understood how he made it out and thought he did it all by himself, until he started to realize how all of the government support systems (as well as friends) helped him out along the way.
My point and exasperation with conservatives on this article is that far too many think that people succeed by “pulling themselves up by the bootstraps,” as though they did it by themselves. YES, I absolutely agree that each person needs to take personal responsibility for their actions. And we ALSO need to take personal responsibility for our community by providing well funded community support systems because none of us ever gets anywhere without the community and taxes and government systems. If you drove to work today on a road, then you should agree. If you went to a public school, then you will agree. etc. It’s really about finding that balance between teaching people and giving them the skills to take responsibility for their actions, while doing so within and via community support systems – which are generally paid for with our tax money. Our government is really pretty amazing, when you think about how many things it does with it’s resources. This kid is a case in point.
thomasgibbon // Feb 19, 2009 at 6:30 am
Thanks, Surumita, for the feedback. Sounds like you have an awesome and inspiring student. I have several kids like that – their struggles are incredible. I can’t imagine dealing with those things when I was a kid. I’m glad you weighed in here, though our viewpoints on government intervention and services will probably always differ in terms of how effective we think they are. No doubt, though, things need to get better in these schools.