I Heart Romneycare

December 2nd, 2011 at 12:00 pm | 38 Comments |

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‘Galatea’ is a columnist writing about her experience looking for work after her recent downsizing. Previous entries in her series can be read here.

Were you aware that there is at least one (1) conservative-ish person who is a fan of Romneycare? Hint: it’s me.

I know! My mom is a resident of Massachusetts and gets all your free health care money! Awesome, right?

But seriously, I really hope that the fact that I like you makes you feel a little better about that terrible mistake in your past. Honestly, in this election, Romneycare is your tramp stamp. You decided to ink it when you were young and insecure and thought it would get all the boys to like you. Eight years later it’s sagging, and really unattractive, and you’re now dating compulsively because you want to be in a committed relationship. But when your dates see it, all they think is, “Wow. You’re a sluuuuuuuut.”

Oh, Mitt, don’t cry! I didn’t mean to call you a slut! Look, the mistakes you made? That three way you had with Jonathan Gruber and Sal DiMasi where you conceived expanded in-state Medicare coverage? That’s all in the past now. You don’t have to care about what Rick Perry and Grover Norquist and those horrible boys on the Wall Street Journal’s editorial page say about you! In the long run, do their opinions matter?

…Ok, they kind of do.

But the point is! I love you now, because I’m a libertarian! I get you. I mean, at a Constitutional level, Obamacare’s federally-enforced individual mandate destroys Congress’s limitations on regulating interstate commerce since it regulates economic inactivity. Furthermore, even if it were constitutional, AHCA is not a necessary and proper means for Congress to expand its police powers (which the Court has in the past expressly forbade them from doing)!

Also, you’re pretty cute. I’d let you Wickard my Fillburn any time.

God, did I offend you? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t make you do anything you’re not comfortable with. So let’s scratch off the Lopez three-prong test.

And you know what? People like you regardless of what you’ve done! Lots of young people out there are really happy with the precedent you set for Obamacare. A recent Georgetown study found that the number of uninsured children sank by 14% over the past three years even through an economic recession, thanks largely to the Affordable Health Care Act.

Yes, yes, I know that it’s an Obamacare accomplishment, and god knows you don’t want to be associated with those people again. But saying that you’re providing an insurance safety net for people in my situation is a much better youth outreach point than your other strategies, like pretending to be black.

Don’t you feel better, knowing that you don’t have to half-heartedly condemn one of your largest gubernatorial accomplishments to at least one person? (ME!) Especially when that person’s mother recently moved to Massachusetts and suddenly has a generous employer-funded family plan that, in a precedent set by you but expanded under Obamacare, allows her children to be covered until the age of 27?

Don’t listen to the haters out there, babe. You’re a strong, empowered, fierce GOP candidate, and you can do anything you want. So trust me. Because I believe in you, and I want you to feel good when you give me free healthcare.

Me? A lazy, selfish, opportunistic, unemployed youth who’s feeding off her parents? Aw, shucks. You shouldn’t have. Anyways, that was the best free health care I’ve ever received. I can stay here for a bit, but afterwards I’ve gotta go contract chlamydia, drink some crack, and get diabetes.

PS: I love you.

Send me your emails to gala.tea.jones[at]gmail.com

Recent Posts by Galatea



38 Comments so far ↓

  • Fart Carbuncle

    I heart eliminating government mandated healthcare.

    • jrd555

      I heart keeping it.

    • valkayec

      I heart people being responsible for their own health care expenses by obtaining insurance before they need it so I don’t have to pick up the tab when something unexpected happens to them.

      Switzerland is not exactly the epitome of liberalism regarding money matters and personal freedoms, yet consider this:

      The journal Health Affairs asked former Swiss health minister Thomas Zeltner why his country’s individual mandate was acceptable to a nation known for ardently defending personal freedom. “That’s easy,” Zeltner replied. “We will not let people suffer and die when they need health care. The Swiss believe that in return, individuals owe it to society to provide ahead of time for their health care when they fall seriously ill. At that point, they may not have enough money to pay for it. So we consider the health insurance mandate to be a form of socially responsible civic conduct. In Switzerland, ‘individual freedom’ does not mean that you should be free to live irresponsibly and freeload from others.”

    • Crime Dog

      Do you have health insurance?

  • dante

    I’ve yet to meet a “libertarian” who willingly gives up services that he or she needs based on his/her ideological principles. Your experiences don’t change that fact….

    • _will_

      ain’t real life a mother?

    • armstp

      So-called ““libertarians” are the biggest hypocrites of all. Only suits them to be ““libertarian” when they are not directly benefiting from government. You either are a “libertarian” or you are not. You cannot have it half way and get half pregnant from say Romneycare.

  • Nanotek

    “Me? A lazy, selfish, opportunistic, unemployed youth who’s feeding off her parents? Aw, shucks. You shouldn’t have. Anyways, that was the best free health care I’ve ever received. I can stay here for a bit, but afterwards I’ve gotta go contract chlamydia, drink some crack, and get diabetes.”

    “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” Mark Twain

  • heap

    Not to be too blunt, but having read this….I would have downsized you, too.

  • budgiegirl

    i’ve been amazed at the people who can’t stand obama yet have already benefited from the new health plan. my neighbor’s 24 year old daughter is also on the family insurance plan – yet he condemns the health plan…. are all libertarians the same?

    • Crime Dog

      Libertarianism is just rationalized greed and selfishness. That’s why teenagers who read Ayn Rand love it, they’re among the most self-centered people in the nation.

  • Frumplestiltskin

    I mean, at a Constitutional level, Obamacare’s federally-enforced individual mandate destroys Congress’s limitations on regulating interstate commerce since it regulates economic inactivity.

    Wow, now you moonlight as a Constitutional scholar. Oh wait, to moonlight you would actually have to have a job in the first place. This was a silly piece.

    • budgiegirl

      And not requiring health insurance would be fine, except for that pesky little fact that most human beings (and that includes doctors) have the moral conviction not to turn away anybody who needs urgent health care. So all these fine people who opt not to get health insurance do get health care – at the expense of others and at a much higher cost to the system.

      What’s more – all these libertarians who detest the idea of mandated health insurance also apparently take swipes at individuals who currently don’t have health insurance now because they are somehow gaming the welfare system. … They want the uninsured to have the right to not have insurance, yet detest those who are uninsured because they are milking it….

  • jdd_stl1

    I’m trying to figure out what the look on Kennedy’s face is.

    “He farts and all these guys laugh?”
    “What kind of dookie did I just step in?”
    “Sure, laugh now guys, but this one is going to come back to haunt you Mitt.”

  • TJ Parker

    Gah. You must be Frum’s daughter or family friend. Yeah I know, your substantial essays have been published numerous times in the comments section of Daily Kos and Ron Paul has personally autographed your copy of The Fointainhead.

  • Levedi

    Okay (puts on writing teacher glasses and flexes blue pen) the tramp stamp analogy is fairly clever and has good irony. However, some of the ironies in this article appear to be unintentional, which is death for satirists – you don’t want to become the butt of your own joke. Take the last paragraph – we all know from her previous self presentation that Galatea isn’t a lazy, crack snorting slut, and Romneycare isn’t going to send her that direction, so while she may perceive herself as a loser (unemployment will do that to you) presenting herself that way doesn’t work for her argument, it works against it. I had to re-read the article to be clear who or what was the real object of satire and most of the satire would work better for Romney care than against it.

    Perhaps more importantly, all irony, clever wording, an constitutional issues aside the article demonstrates that there is a real need for Obamacare. We have a serious problem providing first world level healthcare to people in this country. Our infant mortality rate alone should be reason to shake things up.

    • Ray_Harwick

      We have a serious problem providing first world level healthcare to people in this country. Our infant mortality rate alone should be reason to shake things up.

      You’re appealing to a libertarian. Just sayin’.

  • hisgirlfriday

    Did you come up with the tramp stamp analogy before or after watching that Jon Stewart bit that Romney’s mistress he has to keep a secret is the old Mitt Romney? No judgment. I’m genuinely curious.

  • Oldskool

    I would run with the “fierce” reference for some cheap Romney/Beyonce jokes.

  • rbottoms

    Just can’t trust those liberals not to abuse the system, Libertarians can be trusted to abandon their principles, feed off the government teat and walk away once they are back on their feet. Must avoid moral hazards for the permanently lower classes don’t ya know.

    She’s not poor and disadvantaged really, she just plays one until she gives in and goes home. Why in the bad old days there might even be the Army in her future. Fortunately we have enough prols to feed the grinder.

    • Ogemaniac

      “Libertarians can be trusted to abandon their principles, feed off the government teat and walk away once they are back on their feet”

      Uh, no. I know plenty of hardcore libertarian conservative types who are quite well off, and still scamming the system so that they can milk the teats to the max. I know one guy who, quite legally mind you, was claiming UI, food stamps, and home heating credits despite the fact that for practical purposes was retired and was only one-tenth hardedly looking for a job, had a seven figure 401k and an upcoming corporate pension, and owns his house outright. He milked UI for the full 99, then ironically went back to work for about a year in a part-time government job that he got through a buddy of his. Why? So that he could get health insurance. As soon as he reached the heavenly holy of Medicare, he quit, of course.

      Or how about my father? Let’s see. He was educated at a public school. His dad worked for the government, as well as his father in law. My grandpa’s pensions and SS have kept my dear old grandmas out of poverty and out of my parents’ hair for decades (yes, decades…one grandma has been collecting for over 40 years now!). Grandpa’s government job paid for my father’s entrance into a major state university, along with generous tax payer support that hardly exists now. Oh, and dad spent his summers working on a road construction job that he got through grandpa, earning $20 an hour in today’s terms. Gotta have beer money for school, you know. Let’s see….what else? His kids went to public schools and public universities or community colleges as well. Dad hardly had to pay a dime as we mostly paid for it with scholarships, grants, and loans, most funded by…guess who..the evil government. Then there was the summer dad milked UI so that he could play golf every day, let’s not forget that. Then there is the last few years. Here it gets really fun. Dad’s job, with almost absolute certainly, was saved by the auto bailout. Mom’s and my brother’s were also likely saved by the stimulus.

      But never, ever suggest to these two that they aren’t self-made uber-men, mighty John Galts to whom the mere suggestion of taxation is an affront upon their very soul. It hurts their feelings.

      • jerseychix

        This comment made my morning. My favorite Ayn Rand acolyte and Paul ’12 enthusiast is currently working at a halfway house for mentally incompetent adults. It pays more than the Target overnight shift. It is 100% supported by local and state government. He fails to see the irony.

  • jurisdepravis

    As much as I sympathize w/ the writer, I can’t help but note the irony that so many others here have previously noted. It actually reminds me of the old quip from the 1970′s:

    “You know what they call a conservative? A liberal who’s been mugged.”

    Perhaps the modern day version can be something like this:
    “You know what they call a libertarian? Someone who’s never had to actually live by his principles.”

    It is amazingly ironic that someone who is a self-described libertarian will jump all over the “treachery” that is an individual mandate as soon as it becomes convenient.

    • Nanotek

      the other part of that from the 1970′s was: “And you know what they call a liberal? A conservative who’s been indicted.”

    • NRA Liberal

      Galatea seems to have some sense of irony and self-awareness and acknowledges the tensions between her callow ideology and the harsh realities of the world once out of the nest. That’s what makes her readable.

  • Houndentenor

    The irony is that what would become “Romneycare” and “Obamacare” was based on the GOP response to Hilary Clinton’s health care reform proposal back in 1993.

  • midcon

    Actually, the GOP has become ironic to the point of becoming unrecognizable.

  • JohnMcC

    Gives me the opportunity to repeat on this Forum that Ms Galatea is not breaking new ground by using Federal Gov’t safety net provisions. There was this person named Ann O’Connor who received Social Security and Medicare. You might have heard of her. She wrote “The Fountainhead” and similar books under a pen name adapted from the brand-name of her typewriter.

  • valkayec

    Last night, CSPAN aired an Annenberg Center focus group with 12 Virginia Republican voters to get their opinions on the various presidential candidates.
    http://www.c-span.org/Campaign2012/Focus-Group-Weighs-in-on-Campaign-2012/10737425962/

    While none of the questions specifically related to ACA, it did come up in responses to Romney. Those who spoke about said one of three things:

    1) “Government can’t run health care effectively” – never mind that Medicare has been run effectively and for the most part efficiently for 50 some years.

    2) “Don’t like government saying people have to buy insurance (ie the individual mandate)” – regardless of the fact that the mandate makes people be more responsible for themselves.

    3) “Getting rid of ACA is okay, but what are they going to replace it with.”

    Overall, many misconceptions still apply to ACA and how it works since the responses echoes GOP talking points rather than any serious understanding of the program or how it functions.

    • Graychin

      “Government can’t run X effectively. It can’t run ANYTHING effectively.”

      This is an article of faith for low-information “conservative” voters, thanks to decades of propaganda in that direction. Mission accomplished.

  • nuser

    Galatea
    You do realize some insurance companies would not provide coverage , to people with pre-excisting conditions, such as (morbidly obese)?
    Long live Obama care and the people who benefit from it!

  • Graychin

    A would-be libertarian who has come into the light and recognized the virtues of Romneycare/Obamacare? As a result of experience in the real world that most folks in the privileged world of libertarians never see?

    How about that!

  • rbottoms

    Just another Libertarian who had no concept of how much we evil liberals have been doing on her behalf.

    As show floats almost painlessly on the downy pillow of safety we’ve insisted society must provide so looks ahead to the day when she can safely sneer at the bloodsuckers once again.

  • Reflection Ephemeral

    A liberal is a conservative who’s been mugged by reality.