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Stories by Vivian Darkbloom

Vivian Darkbloom is a young professional in Washington, D.C.

The Prowl: Farewell

August 26th, 2011 at 5:00 pm 24 Comments

This week rather than writing something about anything remotely related to dating in DC, instead I am saying goodbye. Yes, this will be the last Prowl (at least as written by me).

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The Prowl: Downward Dogs

August 19th, 2011 at 6:08 pm 2 Comments

I have recently embraced a new fitness regimen.  This is partly because I lead an almost entirely inactive lifestyle which I am certain is not healthy.  If I keep lobbying while wining and dining without increasing my level of physical activity, the odds of falling into a diabetic coma are extraordinarily high.  Good metabolism cannot last forever, after all.

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The Prowl: Breaking Up Soulmates is Hard to Do

August 12th, 2011 at 7:16 pm 6 Comments

It is August recess and I could not be happier.  My daily responsibilities have diminished to the point where all I did today was write a single, one-page memo on surface transportation funding and water my boss’ plant.

August recess, however, is not going well for two close friends of mine. I had long expected they would eventually marry, instead they are breaking up.

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The Prowl: Can I Lobby a Guy I Rejected?

August 5th, 2011 at 6:02 pm 14 Comments

So once again, despite my best efforts, my personal life has unduly complicated my professional life.  My ongoing efforts to keep these two spheres of my being from overlapping are truly failing in a spectacular way – so much that I am no longer quite convinced that this can even be done.

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The Prowl: Caught in the Crossfire of a Beer Fight

July 29th, 2011 at 5:03 pm 4 Comments

After a client dinner on Thursday night, my coworkers and I decided to stop for a drink together.  After a week in which all of our clients decided to lose their respective minds (I might actually dislike all of them), a mellowing agent was desperately needed.  Yes, needed.

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The Prowl: The Pervs of D.C.

July 22nd, 2011 at 5:21 pm 10 Comments

So last week I speculated that some of our firms’ clients’ various legislative agendas might be better advanced if I were willing to whore myself out .  This week, though, things escalated and I was literally propositioned for sex.  Twice.  Well, sort of … Let me explain.

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The Prowl: Lobbying For Sex

July 15th, 2011 at 5:51 pm 12 Comments

I realize I have written about this before, but once again this week I have been seriously wondering how successful I would be in this city if I were less attractive.

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The Prowl: The Singleton’s Wedding Dilemma

July 1st, 2011 at 5:31 pm 7 Comments

Yet another friend of mine this week became engaged.  This will be my second engagement party so far this summer, on top of two weddings.  I can only imagine what next summer will be like given that the wedding scheduling has been on a steady upward tick since college graduation.  While I am enormously happy for all of them, they are bankrupting me and making me incredibly socially anxious.  Allow me to elaborate.

The money issue is not entirely my primary concern, although at the rate things are going I might have to seriously rethink how much I value some of my friends.  After engagement presents, shower presents, wedding presents, plane tickets, hotel rooms, and then wedding-related activities (because the wedding is never enough, no, it must be a destination weekend), my bank account is clearly suffering.  In a few years they will all start having babies and I will then need to get them baby presents too.  This culture of gift-giving as an obligation (because it is a wedding and you don’t want to ruin that) on a stingy-DC salary is becoming too much.  Seriously.

My primary concern though is the age-old question of whether or not to bring a date.  This is where I am struggling and I do so in a specific context.  Ordinarily, I would say that unless there is a very significant other in the picture, bringing a date could be a little weird and send the wrong signal to all of your friends and family.  There is already nothing worse than the bride aiming her bouquet at you out of a sense of pity, but then to add in some random friend who came for moral support would simply confuse the issue.  Plus, again, if attending a wedding makes you consider selling your kidney, throwing a wedding might force this even more so.  Adding an extra body who is not really the bride or groom’s closest friend seems somewhat selfish.

The next wedding I must attend however is  very small.  The bride is one of my oldest friends from when we both were in ballet class together as little girls.  While we have remained friends, I never really associated with any of her other friends and thus at the engagement party knew only the bride-to-be’s parents and brother.  I suppose as a lobbyist I should have some sort of social grace when it comes to meeting new people as I network for a living, although apparently not.  I am thinking that reinforcements might be required to make this whole affair a little less awkward.

The problem then is having decided that I think I need a date, who?  There is not exactly an obvious candidate waiting in the wings who would want to travel to my hometown and go to a very small and intimate wedding with me.  The investment banker and I remain on good terms and still see each other on occasion but if he was rattled by a weekend visit, a wedding seems far outside his comfort zone.  Then of course there is a cadre of other ex-boyfriends, some of them from the area who may be more amenable, but just asking one of them is something that does not overwhelmingly thrill me as I am fairly certain all would be thoroughly weirded out by the concept.  I am also not about to pull a Hollywood-style stunt and audition potential escorts to this thing and do not want to RSVP for a plus-one with the hopes that one will miraculously appear.  Maybe it really will be better just to go alone?

I suppose in conclusion I am open to suggestions as I suspect I am either being a huge baby or over-thinking this, or both.  Alternatively, if you are free Labor Day Weekend …

The Prowl: Dress To Impress, Not Distress

June 24th, 2011 at 5:55 pm 14 Comments

So it is summertime in DC. How do I know this? The obvious answer is that it is a billion degrees and I would like to spend all of my time enjoying beverages on a terrace (until I get eaten alive by mosquitos and then want to hibernate in an air-conditioned haven). The less obvious answer, though, is that there is a lot of “fashion” — or at least, more than usual — in the city.

This conclusion should be somewhat telling for those of us who live here year-round as DC has generally been thought of as a mecca for pleated pants and poorly fitting suits more so than any contribution to trend-setting style. Just look at Rahm Emmanuel or Hillary Clinton’s obsession with Nehru jackets and chunky jewelry.

I fully recognize that living in a swamp with 90 degree temperatures does not make dressing for the workplace an easy task. Nevertheless, I strongly feel we can all try a little harder.

Ladies: Earlier today I had to have a very uncomfortable discussion with our summer intern about her attire, specifically her decision to wear plastic shoes.  She also cannot write in complete sentences and insists on calling our senior partner by his first name. I should have thought it was evident that if your shoes are made of the same material as Tupperware, they are probably inappropriate. I suggested this to her, adding that perhaps she should wear longer skirts that are not a size too small. Again, I appreciate that it really is unpleasantly hot out, and you can argue that as an intern she does not make enough money to buy an entire dress, but, she is not exactly on the right path to a glowing letter of recommendation or into the bed of some staff assistant who thinks she is dreamy.

Gentleman: I do appreciate that wearing a suit in the summertime cannot possibly be pleasant. It’s just for this reason that Washington offices are air-conditioned to tundra-like temperatures. Given that, I can think of zero reasons to wear seersucker. Yes, it is a light and breezy fabric. It still looks dumb for those of us not on a plantation sipping a mint julep. Plus, it wrinkles like I cannot describe, is ruined with the slightest drop of coffee or any other liquid substance, and looks ridiculous with really any footwear choice. Working in DC is not exactly like a scene out of  All the Kings Men, and understanding this difference will likely greatly help advance your professional careers and also your chances with the fairer sex moving forward.

You say clothing is a personal expression? Fine — within limits. But abandoning flip-flops is not a philosophical hardship. Think of it as a courtesy to those of us who don’t want to see dirty feet or meet a Hill staffer who looks like he has dressed for clown school.


The Prowl: There Are Bigger Weiners Out There

June 17th, 2011 at 6:28 pm 12 Comments

The very day I returned from my leisurely vacation in Argentina–having perfected the phrase “una cervesa por favor” and had my fill of dancing til 6AM and Iberico ham–I came back to an America in which Anthony Weiner is no longer a Congressman.  I guess that shows how much I know about anything …  Regardless, while Anthony Weiner was trying to survive with the Tiger Woods methodology of taking a leave of absence and entering “treatment” for a very unclear ailment, I was discussing with four of my closest friends a claim that one made: “I don’t have a girlfriend, but there is a girl at home who would be upset if she heard me say that.”  Let me explain.

Not always the classiest of fellows, my friend decided to declare that several girls sitting near us on the beach had “amazing bodies” and were “so fit” in a decibel that creeped them out so much that they physically relocated.  A little while afterward, he commented that he would very much like to get closer to one girl’s exposed “tatas fritas.”  Besides managing to be pervier than the guy offering massages for five euros or the other guy trying to sell us henna tattoos and/or mdma (although less than former Congressman Weiner), the rest of us felt the need to point out to him that he needed to keep it in his bathing suit.  Plus, his level of excitement was somewhat baffling as we all thought he was seeing some girl?  He replied emphatically that the girl he has been sleeping with regularly is not in fact his girlfriend, as much as she would probably like to be.

His argument as to why his very regular bed-fellow was nothing more basically rested on the grounds that he had not made her breakfast.  Breakfast makes boyfriends (or girlfriends in this case) and he was very careful to only have her come over on nights before he played baseball early in the morning so as not to encourage any daytime lingering.  I remain unconvinced that he actually plays baseball, but having known him for some time I am likewise unconvinced that he is crafty enough to maintain such an elaborate web of sports-related lies for a lengthy duration just to avoid entering coupleland.

My friend met his non-girlfriend/aerobics partner, who is technically his boss, when she began with his firm late last year.  After the office Christmas Party he lobbed the gob–code for seizing the moment and kissing her–and invited her back to his place to “look at etchings.”  As an aside, he did not actually say that and this disappoints me to no end. Regardless, she has been meeting him sometime after midnight every weekend since at what I can only describe as the absolute dirtiest bar in all of DC.  Others who have witnessed this ritual note that they act like a unit when they are together, somewhat indicative of people who actually like each other and each others’ company in more than a purely physical way.  My friend will only admit however to being a pair insomuch as it is clear they will leave later and “bang it out.”  These are his words, not mine.  This is not exactly the stuff of high romance, especially given that zero amount of wooing is involved.  There is no wining or dining or signs of affection.  In seven months, he has taken her on exactly zero dates.  He tried to argue that he bought her tampons once, and this made up for everything, but he also admitted that this was more in defense of his white sheets.  Instead, she simply meets him on Friday nights for certain activities and that is that.

Ordinarily, this would not bother me in the slightest.  As long as both know the parameters of the relationship and are satisfied within those parameters, they are consenting adults and should do whatever they please.  What bothers me in this instance, as was vocalized by the entire group throughout the trip, is that my friend’s pillow buddy clearly would like to evolve into something more and my friend clearly refuses to let this happen.  Instead of letting the whole thing go, he keeps appeasing her so that she rolls over and continues to wait for an outcome that will never happen.

How do I know she would like a greater commitment than my friend is willing to make?  Well first, I just know things.  More importantly though, he reported that almost on a weekly basis she tries to issue an ultimatum that she is finished with the whole thing unless he can give her something more.  Her position is that they spend all of this time together that they are basically dating so would buying her a drink one time kill him?  Rather than accept this logic, which at this point seems sort of reasonable, he instead will make a token effort to make her forget about it and then carry on with the status quo.  In her latest flare up he bought tickets to some event at the Zoo.  The consensus in Argentina was that instead of perpetually making these small gestures to keep all of this up, he should let he end the whole thing so they both move along.  As a relatively good looking guy, he can easily find meaningless sex with far fewer complications if that is what he is into.

I do not necessarily think my friend is a bad person, and also, for the record, I think this girl needs to grow a spine, but I do think that in this instance he is not being entirely forthcoming and this bothers me.  I fundamentally do not understand why someone would string another person along (and why she would go with it) because that strikes me as rather cruel to be evasive about certain intentions.  It also strikes me that perhaps this type of scenario is simply the byproduct of modern relationships in which the end goal is not necessarily marriage as it once was and this changes what are essentially the rules of the game.  I am not remotely making a value judgment on this change, as I firmly think there are different types of relationships for different times and all can be enjoyable in their way.  In the context of my friend though, for someone who prides himself on being a stand-up fellow, in this instance, he is really being somewhat of a cad.  Being intentionally evasive with intentions as feelings either evolve or not is nothing more than inconsiderate and cowardly.